Thursday, 12 April 2012
On domestic Violence - What's love got to do with it? By Tunde Adeleye part 1
Over the past weeks this year, I have been repulsed, sickened and angered at the relentless spate of physical attacks on women by their husbands in Nigeria. Some of these hapless women have been battered senselessly. In some cases, some husbands even doused their wives with petrol and set their wives ablaze causing them to suffer 3rd degree burns on their bodies.
Last year, a newly wed wife was severely beaten by her brutal husband, she died as a result. Her husband fled the scene, but was later apprehended. Recently, a high society woman was brutally hacked to death mercilessly by a man, after which he jumped off a tall building to his own death.
Another wife and mother of three children, died as a result of neglect, regular beatings by her husband and health complications. Yet another wife was severely battered by her husband that her face looked like the aftermath of a car wreck. In an inhumane act that can best be described as the height of beastiality, another wife of a policeman had her fingers severed (although later stitched back) following an argument.
Unconfirmed reports alledge that the battered wife and the wife of the severed fingers, later returned home to their respective husbands.
Obviously since most of these attacks take place behind closed doors, it is apt to place it under "domestic violence" - which may, on occasions, also include marital rape, amongst others.
I am sure the stats will not do justice to the real aggregate number of spousal abuse across the country. Although it stands to reason that the figures will reveal a substantially majority of women who have been subjected to abuse, emotional or physical by their husbands.
Regrettably, a lot of women still remain in abused relationships and keep silent about it, insisting rather gullibly that they love their husbands and would prefer to stay for the sake of their children - a pitiable mistake many of our grand-mothers (even our parents) made when they endured years of extensive emotional and physical abuse in the hands of our grand-fathers.
Another often cited excuse by women who suffer domestic violence is that they due to their low self esteem, they are afraid to start all over again if they leave their husbands whom they are dependent on financially.
Be that as it may, it is only a few cases of domestic violence that make it to the limelight that provokes such a heated backlash, fury and widespread condemnation.
Unfortunately, by that time, the woman may be dead as a result of the injuries she sustained. If she's lucky to be alive, she would have been beaten to a pulp such that her face and bones structures becomes contured and re-arranged - her once beautiful face disfigured; her self esteem destroyed; her being, psychologically traumatised and her scars; a painful and permanent reminder of the many years of prolonged abuse.
What would make a man maltreat his wife whom he professed to love till eternity? I still juggle for answers in my head and none seems to make any rational sense.
On the surface, women are considered the weaker sex. But men who hit their women for any reason are the real weaklings. However, before they do that, most men assert their control in the home, by ensuring that their wives obey them at all times. Since they are deluded, they reason that leadership is a one way process that needs to be enforced at all costs. That way they believe they are in control at all times.
In their short-sighted questionable wisdom, they believe women are truly meant to be submissive to men, by mal-treating them and treating them like door mats. However, in their folly they forgot the biblical injunction that men ought to love their wives as Christ loved the church. ....